Practice is being the Awakened Life that we are. Being the illumined one that we are from the beginning. Maintaining this life, ongoing practice is needed-especially because of the mischief that occurs in life as a result of 'self-centeredness', because of 'delusion and attachment'. To support our practice effort, here are five points to clarify this practice of sitting, of being as we are.
First point: the ideal of how we should be is the most poisonous thing in the whole world. 'Ideal' is about 'self'; ideal is about 'others'. Ideals poison life by killing it, cutting us off from who we are, right here, right now. Ideals say, 'this isn't ok, I am not ok'. Holding to ideals cuts off the fully manifesting, fully functioning life we always are, blinding this life we are. Especially poisonous is when we do this and call it practice. 'A good Zen student does this, doesn't do this'. Then we make practice into some rigid ideal that we attempt to stuff life into. These are dreams of self-centeredness, perpetuating suffering.
Second point: the thing that erodes self-centeredness [the mischief in our life] is the open experiencing of life at this moment. Instead of 'eroding', we could say 'transforms', 'makes transparent what seems solid', or even 'reveals as is'. There is no self-centeredness that we need to do anything about except as it arises. When it arises, when we see the mischief in our life, right here is the opportunity. Not to try to fix it-in fact, if we try to fix it, it results in the opposite, a 'more solid' self. The open experiencing of this moment, feeling this bodily sensory life, is where and how self-centeredness erodes, disappears. It erodes, becomes transparent, of itself, and yet it requires experiencing. Even as we sit, we notice ideals popping up. Some of you know about computers-the pop ups that appear on the internet screen. In the same way, self-centeredness pops up of itself in this universe that is our life. Our inter-being, inter-dependent life has pop ups. The more we fiddle with the pop ups of self-centeredness, the more we give them life. Fiddling feeds self-centeredness, makes it stronger. Practice is opening as this moment, experiencing this moment life, pop ups and all. This transforms the mischief and suffering of pop ups, of self-centeredness. And yet, even though experiencing, being present, is simple and straightforward, it often is exactly what we want to avoid.
Third point: the intelligent suffering of experiencing seems horrible from the usual self-centered point of view of most people. 'Experiencing' is one of many ways to say this-being this moment, being present-even when we don't want to feel this way. We do not want to feel this way-'because it's suffering', 'because it's painful', 'because it's not comfortable', 'because, because, because,..' These are reasons that I, self-centeredness, avoid this moment. And yet practice is 'intelligent suffering'. Life only transforms in experiencing. 'What if these thoughts or feelings are unpleasant, uncomfortable?' Just sit here. 'What? You just sit here and feel this? What if it starts hurting and aching and you have to move or go somewhere or do something?' Be still, be present-be just this moment. 'I don't want to do it. It's crazy'. All this is the self-centered point of view. Which is the ordinary point of view that most people, most of us base life on most of the time. In a way, self-centeredness, ego, is always about avoiding the straightforward simplicity of life. There is no ego, there is no self-centeredness and yet, the pop up of self-centered ego arises in the midst of ordinary life, of nothing special right now. The 'intelligent suffering', 'intelligent experiencing', simply being just this moment, sometimes seems horrible, especially when we are facing a 'difficult' situation: difficult physically, mentally, socially, which are the circumstances of being human, of impermanence, the flow of life. People we love do things that we do not want. We may need to be reminded that practice is being horribleness when horribleness arises. Horribleness might arise in sitting, even though nothing extra is happening.
Fourth point: practice is not thinking about life, it is bodily feeling the totality of life. Sometimes we turn practice into thinking about practice, thinking about life. Nothing wrong with thinking, but practice is not thinking about it. Practice is bodily feeling the totality of life, being bodily present, body-mind present - body-mind are not two. In thinking 'what I need', or 'how I am', and believing it, we manage to avoid being, we avoid stepping down on the ground, even when we can't miss the ground. So, practice is not thinking about life.
Fifth point: What is practice? A good practice is absolutely simple. In fact our life is absolutely simple, except when we don't want to be simple, ordinary. We notice it when making life something other than this simple ordinary moment. And this leads to the ideals that are held rather than be this simplicity of who we are, the functioning of life. The absolute simplicity of practice. Practice, sesshin, is absolutely simple. Being bodily experiencing this whole universe life that we are, notice when caught up in thoughts, emotions, reactions. Dogen Zenji says, 'practice is in realization'. Practice is, we are, awakened life from the beginning. We aren't anything else, ever. There is no ego, no self-centeredness to get rid of, and yet there is the eroding, transforming, seeing through self-centeredness as it arises, as it is held. There is ongoing practice effort of this moment. This moment contains all past, all present, all future; we don't have to worry about it. Life is this moment-our opportunity is right here, being just this. We don't have to worry about anything. Practice is not thinking about practice. Practice is not holding to the thinking, it is being the totality of life-the open experiencing of this, feeling this bodily sensory world, this functioning moment.
By/Elihu Genmyo Smith
Salam,
Cherine
