To be awake, alive - this is what most of us want! Are you nurtured by life? If not, how not? Let's explore. Imagine if you only ate food that was square shaped and red colored; would you notice or be attentive to foods that were round or green? The result of limiting eating to only square red food would limit nutrition. This might result in illness. Nevertheless, we often exclude aspects of life that do not fit our ideas and emotions. This self-centerdness also manifests in strong reactions to what we do not like. We assume our ideas of inclusion and exclusion are valid, even though these likes and dislikes limit nurturing, limit the richness and quality of life. Often this results in functioning as if on-automatic, living out of habits of body-mind. Doing so, we miss our life.
Being this moment is being nurtured by the universe. Yes, the universe nurtures our life. Zazen is allowing nurturing, opening to this nurturing universal life, experiencing this. In fact, the universe is exactly our life; right now, we are the awakened universe. Because this is so, we can be nurtured. Nevertheless, ongoing actualization is required for me, for you, to manifest this. Actualizing is being this moment, actualizing this functioning, giving self away, forgetting self. This is clear in sitting upright and still, being non-thinking. If we limit nurturance to self-centered body-mind habits, to the likes and dislikes or habits of emotion-thought, there are consequences. Holding to self-centeredness becomes a way by which we limit this Awakened life we are. There are mental and physical consequences. Though we can be nurtured, it may be inadequate; at times it creates and perpetuates suffering and harm. Despite these consequences, we justify self-centered limitations because we believe that they will protect us, keep us safe from what we fear. We fail to see these very fears and justifications for what they are : self-centered misconceptions and dualistic notions. To paraphrase Eihei Dogen, when we engage life based on self-centered limits and expectations, this is delusion; when we allow life to engage us freely, this is realization. Embodying life as it is nurtures and heals us into this moment. Embodying is being bodily present, feeling, hearing, experiencing this body-so. The more we open to this universe right here now, the more we manifest this very life as it is, this universe that is our life. Stated another way, the more we open to the Dharma, the more the Dharma opens to us.
What about discomfort, what I do not want to feel? Or don't want to hear him say? Or when I want to shout angrily, or even storm out? Emotions and thoughts which arise often seem true because they are so familiar and comfortable. Just because a thought or feeling arises does not mean life is so. We act on them without seeing what they are, without noticing or questioning any dualistic or self-centered notions they are based on. Taking thoughts, emotions, feelings as reality, rather than simply as thoughts, emotions, feelings, cuts us off from nurturing reality. Trying to make the world fit emotion thoughts results in misery and suffering.
Because Zazen is nothing special, being just this, it is difficult/easy. Being just this, actualizing this functioning, is manifesting the universe as it is, the awakened life of joy. Being present is not a particular or special state. Being this, of itself the awakened life is manifest as this body-mind functioning. Of itself life is illumined.
The functioning that is reality, that sees the emptiness, the impermanence and the interconnectedness of all things is the wisdom of seeing life as it is. Out of this, actions grow naturally; not as an imposed rule but because action is the natural fruition and functioning of seeing.
Compassion is manifesting this life, actualizing the life we are. On the other hand, manifesting compassion clarifies and reveals who and what we truly are, supports being this moment. And compassion begins in experiencing this present moment. 'Even what is uncomfortable, noxious, or painful?' Yes, when this is so. Very much like a tree surrounded by smelly, sticky horse shit, left after the horse has eaten the tree's leaves. The very process of life transforms the shit into nutrients. The tree is nurtured in absorbing this, as the horse is nurtured by the leaves. Likewise, experiencing-which is our life, which is ongoing practice- is to be nurtured by what ever arises, inside, outside. And this ongoing practice nurtures the arising life. Zazen is not gaining anything, it is not putting another head upon our own. Zazen is living fully. Enjoy.
Elihu Genmyo Smith
Salam,
Cherine
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